


Fujiwara no Sai's Guide to Love

by anahita



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 16:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6248014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anahita/pseuds/anahita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would Sai do? What had Sai known about life outside of go? Nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fujiwara no Sai's Guide to Love

**Author's Note:**

> I had a Hikaru no Go marathon and this happened. Unbeta-ed.

 

 

Akira slowly puts on his coat. He hesitates before heading out the door, maybe he should leave a note, but decides against it. He’s not sure what he’d write anyway. It was fun. Let’s do it again? That doesn’t feel honest. It was…pretty boring. He doesn’t want to do it again, at least, not with Eiichi.

The day is cold as he heads for the train. He grips the rail tightly and tries to convince himself that he’s not disappointed. He’s not disappointed, what’s disappointing about confirming something he already suspected, he should just accept it, as calmly as possible, and move on. It will not do to let himself linger, even in his mind, on last evening, when he has things to do, people to see. When he can’t stop moving forward.

It’s a surprise to him when later in the week, while he’s waiting for Shindou at his father’s Go salon, a girl named Naoko challenges him to a game, loses, and calmly asks to take him out to lunch. It’s a surprise, to him and to her, when he accepts. She leaves right before Shindou comes running through the door. Akira calmly nigiri’s and thinks furiously about what he’d doing, why he’s wasting his time. Two hands don’t make a game, he thinks. He really needs to know, for sure, once and for all. He’ll go on a date with Naoko, he’ll go home with her, and then he’ll see what happens. Akira snaps a stone down on the Goban and glares furiously at Shindou until he looks up and yells out, “What?”

 

Akira has been acting strange, but people around Akira have been acting even worse. Hikaru eats his ramen savagely. Wherever Akira goes there seems to be a sudden silence, followed, almost instantly, by loud whispers. Hikaru has no idea how long its been going on. He’s been, admittedly, too busy with his matches and other responsibilities lately.

But today had been especially bad. Hikaru was eating his lunch, a little desolately, his stomach still hadn’t recovered from some old takeout he ate at Waya’s, when two pros he didn’t know walked by discussing Touya, looked at Hikaru, and went red. They disappeared before he can say anything. Then Waya and Ochi acted so odd when he asked them if they’d heard something about Touya. Ochi looked malicious. Waya had scratched his head and avoided Hikaru’s eyes. Hikaru had gotten a panicky feeling in his gut, tried to grab Waya by his shirt, but Waya had dodged his hands and run off yelling something about being late. Ochi had just snorted and turned away. Light glinted off his glasses as he smiled sardonically and asked, “Has he let you have a turn yet, Shindou?”

Hikaru was so baffled that he just stood there as Ochi laughed. Turn at what?

Something tells him that he doesn’t want to know the answer to that. He almost goes to to yell at Touya, shake him, play him until he answers but somehow he hesitates and grows scared. He pours, once more, over Touya’s last few matches and tries to see if something has changed. He looks over the games they’ve played together, almost too many to count, over the last month. The Go is the same, the Go is good, there’s nothing wrong or different about how Touya plays at all.

So what is it? Shindou lays in his bed and stares at the ceiling. His stomach churns. That take-out at Waya’s had been a really bad idea. 

 

Something tells Hikaru he better be prepared for what’s coming. It is an instinct he’s developed, a clear path ahead of him, the idea of an attack waiting in the shadows. But he isn’t prepared, he really isn’t prepared, when he stumbles into old man Kuwabara. Hikaru is in the third preliminaries of Honinbo league. Both of them want, and expect, Hikaru to make it to the finals this year. “I’m waiting for you,” Kuwabara always says with a mean look in his eyes. Hikaru snaps his fan against his hand in answer. They usually block up the space in front of the elevators, staring at each other aggressively, making pros hastily run in the other direction. It’s fun, it’s one of the things Hikaru likes most in any given week, but today Kuwabara has an especially vicious look in his eyes as he says, “I haven’t seen Akira-kun in awhile. How is the dear boy?”

“He’s fine,” Hikaru says shortly. He hasn’t seen Touya in almost three days. He made an excuse and skipped their regularly scheduled meeting at the Go salon.

“While I appreciate a good scandal,” Kuwabara continues, “make sure it doesn’t affect Akira-kun’s Go. It would be such a shame if he lost his match against Ogata-san on Wednesday. Tell him I’m rooting for him!”

“He’ll be just fine, old man,” Hikaru says and turns away.

“I hope he finds what he’s looking for,” Kuwabara muses. “It’s such a shame to look and look. To come up empty. There’s more to life than just Go, you know.”

“How would you know?” Hikaru asks insolently and Kuwabara laughs his creepy old man laugh.

“Oh, I’ve had a long life,” Kuwabara says a little sadly. “I’ve seen many things you couldn’t even imagine. I’ve loved and lost.”

Hikaru scoffs a little. Kuwabara is such a bore sometimes. A cliched bore.

“You know that Go’s a game for two?” Kuwabara asks Hikaru sharply.

“I know that,” Hikaru snaps back violently. He knows that, he knows that it is, he knows it better than anyone.

“You do don’t you?” Kuwabara muses. “What about life?”

“What?” Hikaru asks slowly. He wants to walk away, but he can’t. He’s never done something that rude to Kuwabara. What would Sai say if he walked away? He’d give him that sad smile. The one that said, “Oh, Hikaru.”

“Is life a game for two? Think about it.”

 

Is life a game for two? Hikaru avoids the Go salon again the coming week. He keeps his ears shut when he’s at the Institute. He doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to know. He pours over Touya’s kifu late at night. It’s not that he’s looking for answers—Touya’s Go is still Touya’s Go—but he’s looking for something that he can’t find anywhere else. He’s so used to knowing the world through Go, knowing Touya through Go, how is he supposed to solve this mystery if not through Go? His answer to any difficult situation, what would Sai do, also comes up empty. What would Sai do? What had Sai known about life outside of Go? Nothing.

He misses him anyway.

He almost runs when he sees Akira waiting for him at the entrance to the Institute. His heart is racing but he walks ahead determinedly. He’s doesn’t want to know, but Touya’s Go is still Touya’s Go. Touya is still Touya. He aggressively moves forward. Touya grabs his hand and pulls him along with him. People stare at them as they march forward. Hikaru is blushing. Why is he blushing? What’s wrong with him? This is totally normal for both of them! People shouldn’t stare.

Touya takes him to an empty goban and shoves him into a chair. “Let’s play,” he says harshly. They play a hard, violent game that reminds Hikaru of the first time they—they and not Sai—played together. It’s fast and becomes a fight almost instantly. I won’t back down, thinks Hikaru desperately. He feels on the back foot from the start but recovers some ground later in the game. There’re both sweating and breathing through their mouths. Hikaru feels that he’s on a precipice. But if they fall they fall together. Win or lose. Isn’t that how it has always been with them? Hikaru moves into the tip of Touya’s sword. It points at his throat. He won’t back down!

Afterwards they put their stones calmly into the goke. They look at each other. “What do you need,” Hikaru asks hoarsely. He thumps his heart with a fist. Akira looks at him with wide eyes. “Why would you look anywhere else for what you need?”

Akira clutches at the goke, shaking, hair in his eyes. The lid falls to the ground and stones clutter around them. Hikaru shoves violently out of his chair and stands up. He claps his hands on the table in front of him and shouts, “Oi, Touya! Look at me.”

Akira turns his serious eyes to him. “I’ll show you,” he says finally and they leave.

 


End file.
